new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
