I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
