i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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