I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
