i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
