Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
