Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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