im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
