the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
