You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
