I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
