I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
