The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
