the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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