But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
