sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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