The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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