Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
