At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
