totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
