I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
