yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
