he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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