I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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