I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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