I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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