Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Every concussion has its silver lining
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
