if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
