I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
