Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize