So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
