Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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