Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
