oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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