haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
