I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
