Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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