life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
