Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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