Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love accidental penises.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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