You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
