True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
