I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
