Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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