So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
