Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
