I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
