As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
