he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
