For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
