im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
