Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Sext me about skeletons
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
