At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
