I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
