What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
