i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
