her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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