I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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