shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
