Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He felt like a one man threesome
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
