Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
