im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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