chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
