Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
