the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
