Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
