he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.