i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hungover. No words. Just memes.