Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

How is it? Sketchville?

(1-443): View more from Maryland

cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness

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(443): How is it? Sketchville? (1-443): cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness http://tfl.nu/p48v

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(810): View more from Michigan

kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.

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(810): kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking. http://tfl.nu/av4y

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(317): View more from Indiana

Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke

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(317): Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke http://tfl.nu/o61t

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(443): View more from Maryland

he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off

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(443): he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off http://tfl.nu/yisu

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(586): View more from Michigan

You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?

(1-586): View more from Michigan

You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.

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(586): You do realize it's a Tuesday, right? (1-586): You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life. http://tfl.nu/em8w

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(804): View more from Virginia

Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?

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(804): Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days? http://tfl.nu/vlwi

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(707): View more from California

I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.

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(707): I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her. http://tfl.nu/kq4i

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(503): View more from Oregon

My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.

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(503): My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/4mwl

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(417): View more from Missouri

I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.

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(417): I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat. http://tfl.nu/8r9j

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(334): View more from Alabama

Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"

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(334): Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick" http://tfl.nu/pihf

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.

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(701): Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle. http://tfl.nu/xafh

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...

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(405): He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door... http://tfl.nu/vmh9

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(419): View more from Ohio

When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.

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(419): When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all. http://tfl.nu/xpv5

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(805): View more from California

Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!

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(805): Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well! http://tfl.nu/91dr

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(613): View more from Ontario

All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now

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(613): All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now http://tfl.nu/hqky

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