Texts From Last Night

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  (789): View more from

  If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.

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  (789): If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days. http://tfl.nu/hp74
  Replies (26) Good night (5887) Bad night (1005)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  what do you have against ST

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.

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  (540): what do you have against ST (1-540): DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS. http://tfl.nu/zpvl
  Replies (11) Good night (3349) Bad night (946)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"

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  (423): my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead" http://tfl.nu/865j
  Replies (2) Good night (761) Bad night (1767)
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  (212): View more from New York

  i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light

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  (212): i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light http://tfl.nu/ogwp
  Replies (9) Good night (697) Bad night (2700)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  i'd get off the bar first.

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  (216): my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing? (1-216): i'd get off the bar first. http://tfl.nu/xsi2
  Replies (18) Good night (758) Bad night (2910)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.

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  (218): I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted. http://tfl.nu/x30k
  Replies (12) Good night (3948) Bad night (695)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.

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  (609): He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this. http://tfl.nu/kn9g
  Replies (23) Good night (1118) Bad night (4216)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.

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  (615): The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted. http://tfl.nu/wtc2
  Replies (4) Good night (3201) Bad night (1030)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"

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  (813): It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman" http://tfl.nu/5ocz
  Replies (9) Good night (1826) Bad night (885)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self

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  (845): Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self http://tfl.nu/ea7y
  Replies (2) Good night (731) Bad night (1358)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.

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  (704): There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die. http://tfl.nu/gg2b
  Replies (15) Good night (616) Bad night (1919)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.

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  (312): All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday. http://tfl.nu/9i7k
  Replies (1) Good night (702) Bad night (1103)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.

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  (407): Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out. http://tfl.nu/1dhs
  Replies (4) Good night (1064) Bad night (864)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering

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  (954): She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering http://tfl.nu/ujc0
  Replies (6) Good night (635) Bad night (780)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening

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  (301): I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening http://tfl.nu/y28c
  Replies (1) Good night (294) Bad night (428)

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