Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.