I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
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Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
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The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize