see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?