DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
