i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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