if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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