when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
