I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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