She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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