he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
