i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
3 2 1 whiskey
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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