I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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