can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
