why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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