DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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