Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
