I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
