It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
