i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is Oprah even human
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
