I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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