is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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