lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
